Milestones

Dear Catalina,
For the past few weeks I've been perhaps a little overly-obsessed with your developmental milestones.  Most of the literature I've read says that by 3 months old, an infant should be holding her head steady.  You, my little darling are still like a little bobble-head toy.  You do hold it up some, but you last for only a few minutes before you start to look like someone slipped some vodka into your breast milk.  I've been worried.

Many pediatricians believe that the insistence on making babies sleep on their backs (to prevent Sudden Infant Death Syndrome SIDS) has caused a delay in the motor skills of infants.  They recommend that parents do "tummy time" with their infants to ensure proper muscle development.  Well mommy sort of failed in that regard.  I started off well, but wasn't very persistent when you cried.  You looked so miserable with your face planted on the floor screaming and kicking.  I would soon "rescue" you and flip you over.  See, despite what you might think now--I am not heartless!  So I felt that I had failed you.

This weekend was a busy one for you.  We went on our first overnight climbing trip since your birth.  We traveled to Datil, New Mexico to the Enchanted Tower climbing area to meet our friends Colin and Elisa.  Except for hating the car ride, you behaved wonderfully.  You are such a mellow little munchkin!  We came back on Sunday night only to leave again Monday to camp at Blue Ridge Reservoir for one night.  That was kind of an extreme camping adventure as our tent was perched atop a boulder overlooking the water.  It was quite a beautiful view.  Once again, you amazed us with your tolerance for new things.  You took everything in stride.  Well everything, that is, except the water!  I tried to dip your toes in the water and you screamed in protest.  Not much for being cold yet I guess!

Anyway, so we came home and you took a crazy long nap in the late afternoon.  I let you sleep through your bedtime because I felt so bad that we had worn you out so.  Finally you woke up, ate a little, moved your bowels, and played a bit.  I decided it would be a good time to flip you over on your tummy.  Much to my amazement, not only did you push yourself up--but you flipped yourself over onto your back!  I was so excited!  Daddy came out and I told him what happened.  He has been much less concerned about your "slow" development than me but he came over to where we were.  I put you back on your tummy.... and you did it again!  I can't tell you how relieved I am.  Don't think this is going to get you out of tummy time, though!

I swear you said ga today and da a few days ago.  Learning to use the front of your mouth to make sounds is another milestone you should be hitting.  I can't tell you how aggravating it is to be a parent and to not know if something you're doing is limiting your child's development.  I just want to do everything right for you.  I know this is probably impossible, but let me tell you my little miss--I will certainly try!

Lots of love
Mommy

Regrets

Dear Catalina,

We took you on your first overnight camping trip last night.  Our friends Scott and Maureen have a party out in the woods every year for their anniversary.  We went out to help them celebrate and to see how we all did camping together.  You were a little crabby, but we all survived.  I awoke in the middle of the night and a bad scare because your face was so cold and you didn't move when I touched you.  I panicked and woke your dad up.  I was so scared!  You were find though... sleeping like a rock.  I'm not sure I'll ever get over the fear that you are going to die in your sleep.  I'm sorry that I wake you so often!

I've been thinking a lot lately about being an older parent.  Perhaps because I was asked if I was a grandmother last weekend when we were in Albuquerque---sheesh that was a blow to my ego!  I feel a little bad that you will never have a young and beautiful mother.  I really hope this doesn't bother you.  For most of my life I looked younger than my years--until I hit 30.  All of a sudden I aged.  I hope this doesn't happen to you.  I'm going to try very hard to encourage you to take care of your skin.  I never really did.  Who knows if it was that or genetics that caused the wrinkles, but it can't hurt for you to be more careful.  Hopefully by the time you're a teenager, getting a suntan won't be as important as it was when I was young.  The things we used to do--yikes!

Anyway sweetheart, I'm sorry I waited so long to have you, but I am so glad you are here in my life!

Here is one of my favorite pictures of us so far......

I love you, darling
Mommy

Meet the Daddy

Hello, little Pea Pod. This is my first time writing blog posts or organizing my thoughts -- for you or anyone, really -- ask your Mom. But it's about time. The impetus behind this letter is a meltdown that you had last night on our way back from visiting friends (Leslie, Andy, Rowen, Emo and Jac) in Albuquerque. It was the scariest event in my parenting life thus far and it got me thinking that I really should tell you about just how scary (and wonderful) raising you has been this last three months.

When your mother and I first started having conversations about giving birth to you -- as you will understand later, this took a lot of convincing on my part -- I had no idea what to expect from a tiny little cooing ball of baby cheeks. Honestly, I hadn't even imagined that much. You were just an abstract idea, more an opportunity to share in what many people consider one of life's most greatest joys. So you took me by surprise the first time that Mom left you alone with me and you started crying inconsolably. By surprise I mean utter fear, mortification and shock. It is really hard to describe the experience of holding you to my chest while you scream like I'm poking you with needles! I was confused, flustered and panicked for a good 30 minutes. This almost never happens to me in any other part of my life. Of course, that was not the last time that you did that to me.

But I got better. It only took one or two more times before I learned that you are a creature of simple needs at this age (less than 3 months). It's either sleep (bouncing, cuddling, walking, swaddling shhh-ing or some combination thereof being the required remedy), food (mostly Mom's job, occasionally a prepared bottle), or Mom. Easy, right?

Well not last night. Last night, while Mom was driving us home, I sat in the back seat with you (we have a 1997 Honda Accord that your grand parents gave us) and tried to keep you busy for the final 50 mile stretch of our journey. At first you were fine. Intermittent crying (mostly angry protest or bouts of tiredness) followed by some smiling. A little curiosity about the camera that I kept shoving in your face.

One quick aside... while this might be misconstrued as child abuse by some, you must know that you have the cutest little habit when you cry: you open your mouth, let out your little wail, and waggle your little tongue at us. You must understand that Mom and I grew up watching cartoons of babies doing the exact same thing. So to see our little girl exhibiting such comic behavior so earnestly was ... entertaining ... for us. Don't get me wrong: you are so much more adorable when you smile (and you do so often) and we would never make you cry on purpose. The aforementioned camera interest refers to my attempts to capture that little quirk of yours while in progress. Mom and I have been witness to so many of your cutest, sweetest moments and we have naught but our faulty (well, mine's faulty anyway) memories. You were a non-compliant child when it came to the camera. But I digress...

So we were about 20 miles from the house when you decided that you were too tired to sit in you car seat any longer. Thus, (I'm guessing here, of course) you started crying with an ever increasing abandon, intending release from your unendurable entrapment. We were okay for the first half -- nothing we hadn't seen or heard before -- but when you got to the real wailing, I could feel the panic starting to rise. I'm sure that if you ask Mom she will verify that I looked as scared as a deer right about then. I certainly remember looking up into the rear view mirror and seeing her look of concern (she had only my face to go on since you were in a rear facing car seat).

But golly can you belt it out when you want to. The normal tremolo went away, your voice cleared up and took on a staccato stutter as you really set in for a good protest cry. It's hard to say whether it was the car seat, gas pains, hunger pains or crankiness that drove you on, but you closed your eyes and really put your heart into it. I hope I never hear such a thing again. I tried rocking the seat from side to side (no effect), loud and offset shhh-ing (some effect brought on by what looked like the Moro reflex) and grabbing you hands. None of this settled you. You stopped responding to anything that I would do and that's when I really got scared.

It wasn't until we pulled into the driveway, got you into the house and out of your seat that you changed your tune from the heart-stopping chopped cries. Your mother and I were both in a daze by then. Our focus was wholly on making you comfortable and chastising ourselves for not pulling over sooner. Of course, we were also tired from the trip and emotionally drained so we weren't thinking clearly either.

Luckily for us (and you), everything is fine today. You were tired last night and slept like a little stone. To date, you never went to sleep so quickly. And today you seemed mostly back to your old self. Or new self since you seem to change on us weekly. You continue to cry in a clearer voice than before and I suspect that you have learned to listen to your own voice somewhat (or you're just too horse). But we'll see. For now, it's a relief that you would much rather spend your time smiling at us than bawling.

So I'll wrap this up. Welcome to my world, little one. You don't know yet what a blessing and joy you are to your mother and me. I have achieved a few great goals in my life -- things that have made me cry -- and every time I see you smile up at me and laugh or coo I tally one more. It always brings a tear to my eye. You are precious to me and Mom.