A new era

This morning I had tears in my eyes as we cuddled in bed.  You were having a "mommy morning" and held me tight.  It is times like this when I feel like I could just hug you tight enough to put you back in the womb--safe forever from outside influences.  I can live forever with your sweet caresses of my ears and my arms. You have this amazing ability to make me feel oh so special.  You have an equally uncanny ability to make me feel insignificant when you are having a "daddy day" I should mention, but today was mommy day thank goodness.

You had your first day of "school" (day care, really) today.  We had been preparing you for days--but I think I forgot to prepare myself.  So many unanswered questions..."Am I doing the right thing?"  "Is this really what's best for you?"  "Will you hold it against me later in life?" "Will we lose this amazing bond that we have?"

You were so excited and so brave.  I could tell there was some trepidation, but I think you knew you had to put on a good face for me.  I know you saw my tears, but chose to ignore them lest more tears come.  You put on your backpack and said you were ready to go to school.  Daddy said he was going to drive you and you replied, "You can't come with me!"  Well, I thought, I guess she's ready.

All day I worried and agonized about you.  I looked at the schedule that the day care facility posted online. "Now she is eating snack, now she is having a story..." Somehow it made me feel better to know that your day was divided into distinct "activities".  I wondered if you knew that we would come back for you or if you even gave it any thought.  I half expected to get a phone call asking that I come get you because you were in a hysterical fit asking for mommy and daddy, but it didn't come.  

Four fifteen couldn't come quick enough.  I raced over to the school.  You were sitting in a circle listening to a story.  A smile crossed your face as you saw me and you looked around for direction.  The teachers told you you could come and see me and you did and gave me a big hug.  I buried my face in your neck and just enjoyed the feel and smell of my little girl.  Then I asked if you wanted to hear the end of the story or come home with me--much to my surprise you said you wanted to hear the end of the story!  Yes, I guess you are ready.  You are ready to take on the world with your beautiful blond curls and your brilliant smile.  With your jokes and your laugh.  I can't keep you to myself forever.  Now I will have to learn to get my cuddles and my tender moments when I can--and learn to appreciate them all the time rather than finding them a burden at times.  You are only 2 1/2, but I feel like you are just moments away from adulthood.  Oh, sweetie where does the time go?

You are my "bestest" girl.

Love as always,

Mommy